Things That Will Get You The Side Eye At The Family Cookout

Posted On : July 4, 2015

bbq-side-eye-fbEvery year on the 4th of July, families have a cookout and there is always that person(s) that everyone at the cookout sees walking up and giving them the side eye. This person usually does the same thing every year. There are tons of reasons that folks get frustrated with this type of person family cookouts, and in fact, there are far too many reasons to list, so we’ll simply point out 9 of the most common things one should not do at this year’s 4th of July cookout, unless one wants to risk getting the side eye.

Let us know if you or your family members are guilty of any of these…

1. Your nephew bringing his twerk-happy girlfriend and her booty shorts to the cookout. He first brought her to the cookout in 1988 when she was dancing to EU’s “Da Butt,” but now in 2015 she’s still dancing the same way, except this time she’s twerkin’ to the song, “Wobble, Wobble”…and might I add, things have changed…physically.

old rapper2. The 56 year old cousin who hasn’t yet given up on his dreams of becoming the next Jay-Z or Tupac. Every chance he gets, he spits a verse that lasts for 8 minutes and 13 seconds. Then makes the comment “That’s my new ish.”

3. Y’all know folks are picky about their potato salad. So to the person who brings their lumpy potato salad to the cookout: No one wants it, so stop bringing it!

4. The uncle who thinks it’s okay to flirt with his very own cousin because she’s a third cousin.

tupperware5. The person who approaches the food table with aluminum foil or Tupperware containers in hand BEFORE everyone else has had a chance to fix their first plate.

bologna fried

6. We all loved our Mommas’ fried bologna sandwiches back in the day, but a cookout is not the time, nor the place for off-brand meats. So you might want to leave the chicken livers, olive loaf, liver cheese, and fried gizzards at home.

7. For the person at the family cookout who cannot hold his or her liquor: Don’t touch that bottle today! We’re trying to help you because this isn’t gonna actually get you the side eye, this will get your a@$ whipped, because after you take a few sips of the “juice,” folks are gonna want to lay hands on you once you tell all of their family business.

older black man barbecuing8. Making special requests to the grill man will get your feelings hurt. Family cookouts are not Burger King, you cannot ‘have it your way,’ so make sure you leave the designated grill man a.k.a your uncle, cousin, or brother ALONE before he curses you out.

9. The 96 year old Grandmother whose been on this earth for so long that she feels like she has the right to smoke a joint in front of everybody…including the kids.

Now here is one thing that we ALL actually want at a family cookout:
Frankie Beverly and Maze playing in the background! Holla if you hear me somebody!

About I Love Old School Music

We salute the incredible people and beautiful memories of that "old school". We’re not saying that every artist and every facet of the soul era was perfect, but the artists’ contributions to soul music and the old school memories of that particular time are PRICELESS.